88 Hilarious Valentines Texts For Him (Guaranteed To Make Him Smile)

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be all about roses and romantic declarations.

Sometimes, the best way to show your guy you care is by making him laugh.

If you’re like me, humor is your secret weapon to keep things lighthearted, fun, and memorable.

A funny text can brighten his day and remind him why you’re his favorite.

Whether you’re feeling playful, sarcastic, or cheesy, these 88 texts will guarantee smiles (and maybe even a laugh-out-loud moment).

Sweet and Silly Texts

1. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me—after pizza, of course.
2. You’re like my favorite sweatshirt: warm, comforting, and impossible to let go of.
3. I was going to get you something sweet for Valentine’s Day, but then I realized you already have me.
4. If I could bottle how happy you make me, I’d be a millionaire.
5. You’re my favorite distraction, and I’m not even sorry about it.
6. You’re proof that opposites attract—how else could someone this cool fall for someone this weird?
7. You must be tired from running through my mind all day (and let’s be honest, my dreams too).
8. If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you today, I’d be rich enough to spoil you even more.
9. You’re my Valentine forever. There’s no escaping now.
10. Just so you know, you’re the reason I’m smiling like an idiot right now.

Food-Themed Texts

11. You’re the mac to my cheese. Without you, life’s just plain boring.
12. If we were a dessert, we’d be a lava cake—sweet, warm, and full of surprises.
13. You’re the only person I’d share my fries with, and that says a lot.
14. They say love is sweet, but clearly, they’ve never tasted you.
15. You’re like guacamole: extra, irresistible, and worth every penny.
16. Chocolate? Flowers? Nah. All I need is you (and maybe tacos).
17. If you were a pizza topping, you’d be the only one I’d never pick off.
18. You’re my favorite snack, but also my full-course meal.
19. Let’s just skip dinner and call you dessert.
20. You’re the peanut butter to my jelly and the reason I don’t skip breakfast.

Cheesy and Punny Texts

21. Are you a magician? Because you just made everyone else disappear.
22. If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.
23. Are you Google? Because you’ve got everything I’ve been searching for.
24. You’re like my favorite song—I could play you on repeat all day long.
25. You must be a thief because you stole my heart (and my focus).
26. You’re hotter than my morning coffee, and trust me, that’s saying something.
27. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.
28. If love was a competition, I’d let you win (but just this once).
29. Are you Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a strong connection.
30. You’re my favorite person, hands down—and I’ve met a lot of people.

Flirty and Fun Texts

31. Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re my favorite, and you know it’s true.
32. Happy Valentine’s Day! Now come here and let me steal a kiss.
33. If loving you was a full-time job, I’d be Employee of the Year.
34. You’re not just my Valentine; you’re my forever favorite.
35. I hope you’re ready for me because I’m definitely not holding back tonight.
36. You’re the only person who can make me blush and laugh in the same minute.
37. I was going to play it cool today, but then I remembered you deserve all the attention.
38. If you’re wondering why I’m smiling so much, it’s because I’m thinking of you.
39. Being your Valentine makes me feel like the luckiest person alive.
40. You’re my sunshine, my rain, and everything in between.

Pop Culture-Inspired Texts

41. You’re the Jim to my Pam, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
42. If this were a rom-com, you’d definitely be my leading man.
43. You’re like Baby Yoda: cute, lovable, and totally irresistible.
44. I love you like Ross loves Rachel, but without all the “we were on a break” drama.
45. You’re my Player One, and there’s no game I’d rather play than life with you.
46. If we were in a Taylor Swift song, you’d be the guy I’d never stop writing about.
47. You’re the perfect plot twist I didn’t know I needed.
48. If love was a movie, you’d get a standing ovation every time.
49. You’re my superhero, minus the cape, but definitely with all the charm.
50. You’re the Harry to my Sally, and I’d choose you every time.

Funny Long-Distance Texts

51. Even from far away, you’re still the best Valentine I’ve ever had.
52. Distance makes the heart grow fonder—or at least makes me text you way too much.
53. If I could teleport to you right now, I totally would (and probably bring snacks).
54. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but honestly, I’d rather just have you here.
55. Long-distance Valentine’s? Guess I’ll just have to blow you a million kisses.
56. Even with miles between us, you’re still the highlight of my day.
57. If love was measured in emojis, you’d have a million hearts by now.
58. You’re worth every mile, every second, and every late-night text.
59. Missing you is hard, but knowing you’re mine makes it all worth it.
60. I can’t wait until we’re together again, but until then, here’s a virtual hug.

Playful “Roast” Texts

61. Happy Valentine’s Day to the guy who steals the blankets but still warms my heart.
62. You’re lucky you’re cute because your dance moves need work.
63. I love you more than I love my favorite Netflix show—barely.
64. You’re my Valentine forever, even if you do leave dishes in the sink.
65. I love you despite your questionable taste in music.
66. If you were a vegetable, you’d probably be broccoli, but I’d still pick you.
67. You’re my favorite person to argue with about absolutely nothing.
68. I don’t know what I’d do without you, but I’d probably have more closet space.
69. You’re the reason I smile… and the reason I’m always late.
70. You’re not perfect, but you’re pretty darn close.

Random and Outrageous Texts

71. If aliens ever abduct me, I hope they know I already have a Valentine.
72. You’re the best thing since sliced bread, and I really love carbs.
73. You’re my favorite human, even if you don’t share your snacks.
74. I love you more than my dog does (and trust me, that’s a lot).
75. If I had to describe you in one word, it’d be “mine.”
76. You make my heart do a happy dance, and I have two left feet.
77. You’re the main character in my love story, and I’m obsessed with this plot twist.
78. I’d swipe right on you every single time.
79. You’re the best at making me laugh… and also at eating all the chips.
80. If love was a game, you’d be my MVP.

Final Cheesy Texts to Seal the Day

81. You’re my love, my laugh, and my everything in between.
82. I love you more than coffee, and that says a lot.
83. You’re not just my Valentine—you’re my whole heart.
84. You make every day feel like a holiday, and I’m so grateful for you.
85. Thank you for being the best mix of sweet and silly.
86. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I plan to keep you.
87. Loving you is my favorite thing to do—besides teasing you, of course.
88. You’re my happy place, my favorite laugh, and my forever Valentine.

Why Humor is the Key to a Great Valentine’s Day

Laughter is a love language all on its own.

A funny text can break the ice, lighten the mood, or simply remind your guy why he adores you.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about showing him you care in a way that feels real and fun.

So don’t overthink it. Pick a text, hit send, and get ready for the cutest reaction ever.